The Trees
by Cormac Brown

They say you should always listen to your mom, but she’s not always right.  I was thinking about what she said to me this morning, after I accidentally knocked some old vase down, when I heard this siren.

I was so deep in thought that I almost didn’t stop my bicycle in time.  If I wasn’t tripping out on the vase, I would’ve been even more pissed off than I already was.

I swear, that car was trying to hit me.

The police car that came by a few seconds later really didn’t try to avoid me either.

Where was I?  Oh, yeah, they say you should always listen to your mom, but she’s not always right.  I am almost fifteen, and I’ve learned more than a thing or two in my short time on Earth-

No matter what you think about Barbara, that’s Kleenex in her bra.  For all intents and purposes, she should have her father invest in the company that makes Kleenex and then she will be able to afford her implants when she turns eighteen.

Evan is as big as hell, but to say he fights like a girl is an insult to girls.  Not that anybody at this school has tried him.

There is no such thing as a homework-eating dog, but damn if Willy won’t eat just about anything you give him for the price of just one beer.  This doesn’t get you out of doing your homework, but it sure is fun to watch.

Speaking of people eating things, give Brandy a couple of lines or a hit of anything, and well, you know.

Now, except for giving Willy a six pack of Coors and a light bulb, I have not necessarily experienced these things firsthand, but I observe and I listen.  I’m practically invisible at school, and people carry on as if I weren’t there.

Now, getting back to what happened, that next police car almost hit me, too.  I was daydreaming, but I wasn’t invisible.

I can’t stress this enough…they say you should always listen to your mom, but she’s not always right.

That first asshole that almost hit me?  I guess he didn’t see that tree, and I know for a fact that he didn’t listen to my mom, because then he and the other guy riding in the front would’ve known that seatbelts save lives.  See?  I know she’s right about some things, just not everything.

Mom is right about something else - - you make that face and it will stay like that for the rest of your life.  Those assholes would concur if they could ever talk again.  When the car hit that tree, they kept going, and it doesn’t matter how limber you are…your neck doesn’t twist like that.

The first police car skidded to a stop and the Popo popped out with their guns up.  The second police car pulled just to the left of them and did the same.  Some joker jumped out of the wrecked car and hit the ground running.  The four cops ran after him and three of them dog-piled his ass.  To his credit, he didn’t go down easy and he put up a fight, despite having over 550 lbs. of coffee and doughnuts on top of him.

I pedaled over to the wreck to see what was up.  I never saw a dead body before except on TV, and what do you know?  I got two for the price of one.  Right between the two former aspiring pilots was the tree that was knocked over from the crash and an open gym bag.  The wind stirred up the bags contents, and let’s just say that the leaves that wound up on that tree were different from any other tree you have ever seen.

Like I said, they say you should always listen to your mom, but she’s not always right.  You see, paper comes from the wood and bark of trees, and they make money from that paper.  So in a sense, money does grow on trees, and in this case all it took was a crash, a little blood and a bank robbery for this harvest.

Now, excuse me, I have to collect some of these “leaves” before anybody notices, to replace my allowance for the next three months.  My mom is taking that money away from me to replace the crappy old vase with an even crappier one.

The End
 
BIO: “Cormac Brown” is my pen name.  I’m an up-and-slumming writer in the city of Saint Francis and I’m following in the footsteps of Hammett…minus the TB and working for the Pinkerton Agency.  Some of my stories have appeared at Powder Burn Flash, Six Sentences, Flash Fire 500, Astonishing Adventures Magazine, and Crooked Magazine.  You can find me at Cormac Writes.